October 31 1981
by icalledherocean
Summary: "No," Sirius mutters as he falls to his knees. Dragging his hands across his face, he stares up at the destroyed home of his best friends.


**Broken**

Sirius Black

"No," Sirius mutters as he falls to his knees. Dragging his hands across his face, he stares up at the destroyed home of his best friends. The house has been blasted apart - the house he helped James find before Dumbledore told them to go into hiding. The house he's visited so many times. This was where Lily made him and Remus tea the night Marlene died, where James threw a lamp across the room because he hadn't been there when it happened, hadn't been there to stop it. This was where Harry took his first steps.

 _Harry_.

Pushing himself off the ground, Sirius makes for the door that still stands ajar; his mind racing with thoughts of what he'll see when he crosses the threshold. Stopping just outside the white door, he forces himself to walk through.

If he hadn't seen the destruction outside, hadn't seen the splintered wood that was once the wall of his godson's bedroom, he could have fooled himself into thinking nothing had happened here. He pulled out his wand, whispered, "Lumos," and continued into the house. It had only been a few weeks since he'd last been here, before the fidelius charm had been cast. James was going stir crazy, confined here on Dumbledore's orders. His friend had grinned and laughed during Sirius' visit, but something had dimmed in his eyes.

"Don't worry, mate," Sirius had said on his way out that night. "We'll stop Voldemort and then the Marauders can cause some mischief."

James had clasped his hand on his shoulder. "I'll hold you to that."

It was the last thing he'd ever said to Sirius.

The sitting room was quiet, the light from his wand landing on two cups of tea untouched on the table, James' own wand beside them. He can hear the wind from outside as it blows through the hole upstairs, but he hasn't heard Harry yet. Dread is coursing through him as he continues moving toward the stairs. Then, as he reaches them, he sees what his heart has been denying since he landed in Godric's Hollow - James, lying at the bottom of the stairs.

His eyes are open, staring widely up at the ceiling. Suddenly, the floor drops out from beneath him and he's on the ground beside James, tears burning his eyes. He thinks of the wand beside the cups and wonders if this idiot really went after Voldemort without a weapon. "Dammit, James."

Without thinking, he reaches out and shakes James' shoulders hard. Wishing, pleading, that this is somehow a prank he's pulling. That this daft idiot isn't really gone. "Don't you do this to me." His voice sounds strange, choked with sobs. James doesn't blink, doesn't crack up like it's all been an elaborate joke. Voldemort marked them, came after them, and won. Staring up the stairs, Sirius dreads what he'll find next. Lily, Harry…

He sits beside James for a long time. This was his first real friend, the first person to accept him. Hell, James brought him into his family. This was his real brother. Taking a deep breath, Sirius forces himself to stand. He has to do this, has to know if somehow Lily and Harry survived.

The stairs are covered in dust and plaster, glass from photos that once lined the walls. He can see the landing, knows that Harry's nursery is just beyond. He pauses before taking the last few steps, closes his eyes and thinks about Lily laughing with him at midnight in the Common Room. James grinning stupidly every time he saw her. The two of them sitting him down just after Harry was born and asking him to be godfather to their son.

Outside the nursery, he sees her. She's on the ground in front of Harry's crib. He can't go any further, can't imagine finding Harry inside the crib, his eyes open and wide and lifeless. Sinking to the ground, he leans his head against the wall.

Tears finally spill over as the reality of what's around him sinks in. His friends are dead, his godson is dead. He feels shame washing over him, this is his fault. He did this to them. He switched places with Peter and something happened to him.

Suddenly, a cry cuts through the silence. Sirius' eyes snap to the open nursery door. He hadn't gone in, couldn't face it. Quickly, he gets up and moves toward the room. The crying starts again, louder and longer this time. As Sirius walks toward the crib, Harry pulls himself up and stands, gripping the bars, staring up at him. There's a cut across his forehead, like lightning and Sirius knows that it must mean something, something Dumbledore will surely have an answer to.

Sirius can't help but let out a short laugh as he picks him up, cradling him against his shoulder. Harry cries and grips the leather of his jacket. "I'm going to take care of you," he whispers.

He takes Harry back downstairs, making sure to avoid letting him see James. He's too little to remember this, but the thought of this boy seeing his dad cut down like this is too much. Once they get outside, Sirius sits down against the door and just hold on to Harry. The last piece of James and Lily he has left. His godson.

It's barely ten minutes before a popping noise tells him he's not alone anymore. One hand cradles, Harry's head, the other grips his wand tight as the looming figure of Hagrid comes out of the darkness. Sirius sighs in relief when he sees him.

"Hagrid," he gets up and moves toward the giant. "We were betrayed. Something happened to Peter, someone must have got to him. Lily and James…" His voice cracks and he can't go on.

"I know, Sirius." Hagrid's gruff voice is soft tonight, tears track down his cheeks. "Dumbledore sent me, to fetch Harry. Take him ter his aunt an' uncle."

"What?" Sirius takes a step back. "I'm his godfather, I'm going to look after him."

Hagrid shakes his head. "Dumbledore's orders."

"No." He's angry now. "Dumbledore's orders are what got James and Lily killed."

Hagrid steps toward him, his hands out. "He's put a protection spell on ther house, an' Harry's gonna be safe. Yeh can't help him if You-Know-Who comes after you next."

Sirius frowns and looks down at Harry. He's asleep now, his head resting against Sirius' chest. Hagrid's right. Voldemort may be gone for now, but what's going to stop him from coming after Harry again?

"He'll be safe?" Sirius looks up at Hagrid, who nods, and sighs. He promised James and Lily he would take care of their son if anything happened to them. He never thought he'd have to live up to that promise, always thought he'd just be the one that got Harry out of trouble as he grew up, or into it. Now, he'd faced taking care of a baby and having to give him up too quickly.

Handing Harry to Hagrid feels final somehow. But with Harry safe, he could go after Voldemort and the person that gave him the information that killed his best friends. He takes one last look at his godson and hopes that, one day, he'll see him again.

Someone did this. Someone they knew passed their location to Voldemort. Gritting his teeth, the pieces fall into place. Peter. It was planned, he would be their secret keeper, would cast the spell and go into hiding himself. Then… he had thought of an even better idea. Voldemort would have suspected him, would have stopped at nothing to find him, but not Peter. It was perfect. They cast the spell without him, and Sirius himself took Peter to a secure location.

The rat.

"Take my motorbike, Hagrid." The giant looks surprised. That bike is his pride and joy, but he won't need it after tonight. "I won't be needing it anymore."


End file.
